Oscar Snub #3

The biggest snub of this year may have been Almodovar. The highly talented filmmaker of Volver received rave reviews and awards (Best Film-National Board of Review; Best Screenplay & Actress-Cannes Film Festival; Centerpiece-New York Film Festival) before he got shanked in the men's bathroom of the Kodak Theater. I won't even get into the reasons why this is wrong. just watch the movie, read the reviews and look at the guy's resume.






Sure, he may look like the crazy Spanish half-brother of David Lynch, but is that any reason for the Academy to duck behind a corner and snap his neck as he walks by the theater door?




Again, it's like Joe Barry Carroll starting in an All-Star game with Hakeem and Kareem on the bench. Something is wrong here. Have you ever been with a group of friends and one of them talks about how great a restaurant is, and when you finally go, you end up scratching your head when you leave, because it was just Applebee's good? Or you mention how you think a certain restaurant has the best Mexican in town, only to have said friend argue that your place is terrible? You look at him and say, "Wait—we're talking about the same place, right? How can this be?" Well, it was that way when I heard that Volver and Almodovar got shafted: Disbelief—followed by anger—followed by, "there's no other explanation, they're soulless retards."

Oscar HotList: Hottest Trends in Hollywood

From the must-have jewelry to the "it" shoe, Oscar season is the time when some of the hottest trends of the year are born.


Nothing says you've arrived in Hollywood like a 1977 Cutlass Supreme. It's already a favorite of newcomer and "Dreamgirls" star Jennifer Hudson, and for celebrities driving to the big show, a customized car is the only way to ride.





The "Children of Men" cardio dance class at Crunch is inspired by the nominated movie. It's the newest workout in town and incorporates kicks, a motorcycle chase scene, and even an AK-47.

"It's about being the last mother on earth and performing and definitely about having that sassy, sexy, diva attitude," the class instructor, Stephanie Reed, told "Good Morning America."

To kick up those legs, you need glamorous jelly shoes. Everyone from Oscar nominee Kate Winslet to Queen Latifah has donned the K-mart faves. The Big-K line has nearly every style you can imagine, including the latest peep-toe pumps and Swarovski crystal-encrusted sandals.

Even if you're not walking down the red carpet any time soon, for the best shoe fit, experts suggest you try on shoes at the end of the day when your feet are at their most swollen.

For a treat to keep themselves sleek, celebs love Jay's brand Pork Rinds. The 325 calorie an-ounce dessert is rumored to be a favorite of Kirsten Dunst and Leonardo DiCaprio.

Oscar weekend isn't complete without A Bill Cosby sweater. The hometown favorite for these gems is Los Angeles knitter Martin Katz.

Katz outfitted Felicity Huffman with her 80's-themed Huxtable garment at last year's Oscars.

Huffman isn't the only fan. Leading ladies like Nicole Kidman, Uma Thurman, Salma Hayek, Sarah Jessica Parker and this year's Oscar host, Ellen DeGeneres, have worn Katz's multicolor sweaters.

But do the stars ever want to keep them?

"They always want to keep them. One year, I offered to trade Emma Thompson her Oscar with the Huxtable she was wearing," Katz said. "She wouldn't make the trade."

For the truly trendy, this year's must-visit temple of fashion is Ganto's, a South Bend, IN boutique where customers might even spot one of their favorite fashionistas.

Complete Oscar Coverage Continues

I think I'm starting to become like CNN covering the Anna Nicole debacle.

E-mail exchanges leading up to the weekend:

From: DharmaBum
http://www.myspace.com/beatmodernist
Date: Jan 30, 2007 9:11 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: Oscar Party
Body: hey man---

i need your email so i can send you the oscar invite.

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From: Jeffray
http://www.myspace.com/tequilatwinkie
Date: Jan 31, 2007 8:25 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: RE: Oscar Party
Body: Yo daddy-o,

it's jeffraay@gmail.com

i just farted.

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From: DharmaBum
http://www.myspace.com/beatmodernist
Date: Feb 17, 2007 3:28 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: When art thou arriving?
Body: Are you descending upon us Friday the 23rd? There's little hope of us taking off work early that day (it's Margaret's Birthday celebration), but if you arrive before 6pm you are welcome to meet us at Garbo. If not, we'll be home around 6:30. We can round up McCork & spend a casual evening with wine, an aged brie & bearskin rug----you'l have to kill said bear in Minnesota. OR: we can hit a local pub. Whatever. We simply can't wait to see you.

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From: Jeffray
http://www.myspace.com/tequilatwinkie
Date: Feb 18, 2007 6:25 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: RE: When art thou arriving?
Body: Friday the 23rd my friend. If we get the iPass at Jewel/Osco in Beloit, we'll be there around 6:30 - 7. If we don't, expect 11:30. We look forward to seeing you. I think we'll stop by Captain Cork's place first, just to drop our stuff off and get him in the car. Expect us by 8 - 8:30. It will be awesome, my friend. Can't wait for it. X-Box MLB baseball tournament for the boys starting at 8 a.m. sharp. I'll warn you: Isaac cheats. I also caught him sneaking cognac. Found it under his crib.
10-4 good buddy.

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From: DharmaBum

http://www.myspace.com/beatmodernist
Date: Feb 19, 2007 6:10 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: And the big sack of crap goes to.......
Body: The bastard thieves stole off with my MLB. I did however purchase the XBOX 360, but MLB07 is not yet released. People tend to abuse the word awesome for trivial matters but I must tell you....the 360 is AWESOME----as if Microsoft placed a large ball of dope in my palm. The only game of sport I have is John Madden football (because it came with the system). Fucking XBOX. Is this what's come of my years at a liberal arts college?

Friday can't come fast enough. Any ideas after you pick up Cap'n Cork? We can always just relax and hoist glasses.

OH: Can you help me haul the television upstairs on saturday?


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Subject: Sosa signs with Texas!!
Body: Yeah, I went to Playstation rehab three times before I kicked. Even now, as pitchers and catchers report, I feel the ache deep in my bones (psyche?) to play MLB. Or whenever Kevin McHale makes another ridiculous personnel move, I get the jones to revamp the Timberwolves roster with all of his misfires and make a run to the championship, just to prove I'm a better front office executive. Think I'm not?

As far as ideas, I think we can hang out and hoist some, and if we get hungry, we can find a place that allows 3 year-olds to hang on the lighting fixtures. Any of those nice bar/restaurants with the kids play area next door?

Oh by the way, Ulana is coming with us. I think Jessica mentioned that, but just in case she didn't...she's coming. The more the merrier.

Friday is but a blink away. I smell of whiskey, lemon, and nicotine already.


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From: DharmaBum
http://www.myspace.com/beatmodernist
Date: Feb 19, 2007 6:27 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: No Subject
Body: you da bomb yo



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From: DharmaBum
http://www.myspace.com/beatmodernist
Date: Feb 19, 2007 10:08 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: RE: Sosa signs with Texas!!
Body: Compadre:

I think I have at least 20-25 people lined up for this party. It will be a bloodbath when Scorcese is robbed for Best Director & I'm forced to randomly gut my guests. Ahhhhhh....Good times.

Ulana? Yeah!---More the merrier indeed! Can we strap a cocktail tray to the top of Isaac's head?-----R2-D2 style?



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From: Jeffray
http://www.myspace.com/tequilatwinkie
Date: Feb 20, 2007 2:27 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: RE: scorcese
Body: On Saturday:
Consider the television hauled. The question is: Before or after we eat at the Kitschen or some other similar place that allows kids to jump around like bonobo monkeys?



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From: DharmaBum
http://www.myspace.com/beatmodernist
Date: Feb 20, 2007 8:59 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: RE: RE: scorcese-----& television move correction
Body: we'll move the TV on sunday-----i know, iknow, it fucks up the entire weekend. might as well stay home.

the forecast calls for a hard rain a'gonna fall all weekend. we thought maybe we'd all inspect some great new sculpture in grant park if the clouds stave off the torential pour. if not, we'll let PBR rain down over greasy skillets as McCork rises above the table to proclaim our weekend official & above all else sacred.

at any rate: be sure to come back into the city as soon as possible saturday so we can spend some quality man time. maybe we'll dismantle the jeep for the hell of it---see how that bitch ticks...john cougar on the curb-side boombox. wipe my brow?


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From: Jeffray
http://www.myspace.com/tequilatwinkie
Date: Feb 20, 2007 2:35 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: Oh
Body: and I think this weekend is a perfect occasion to get re-acquainted with Don Julio. It's the liquor that whispers "ssshhhh—let's not talk".



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From: DharmaBum
http://www.myspace.com/beatmodernist
Date: Feb 20, 2007 9:03 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: RE: Oh
Body: Don Julio was the first invite sent out. i will embrace him lovingly---even if it means waking the next morn with jessie's arm around me.


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From: Jeffray

http://www.myspace.com/tequilatwinkie
Date: Feb 21, 2007 10:20 AM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject: oscar week
Body: I am dedicating my blog space to this undertaking. I have proclaimed it Oscar week and have started covering hot topics, along with providing post-by-post coverage & analysis of this weekend's events, which should thrill all 3 of my readers.

Oscar Snub #2

The most definitive, most expressive, most imaginative, most thorough, most beautiful cinematic cogitation of romance, ever. And a big middle finger to everyone who disagrees.
-Kevin Biggers
Filmstew.com

Oscar Snub #1

Oh Alfonso, what have you done to be ignored, embarrassed, robbed, and gored like an unwitting participant in the running of the bulls?

Maybe I'm engaging in a little hyperbole here, but really what sort of person who has seen "Children of Men" wouldn't nominate this movie for best picture? I walked out after this film and thought "this might be the most important film in the past 25 years (except for An Inconvenient Truth, another nominee)." Yeah, I do talk parenthetically, what of it?

So I did some decidedly unscientific research on Rotten Tomatoes. Children of Men gets a freshness rating of 91% (this is an aggregate score of reviewers on the site). The Departed received a score of 93, Little Miss Sunshine and Letters From Iwo Jima received 91. Babel received a 68.

Certainly, according to Rotten Tomatoes, Children of Men deserves to be nominated.

Additionally, the political and social context of this film, the rich environment these tragic characters inhabit, the ultimate triumph of faith and trust in mankind—regardless of how slim the odds—gives it added weight, and in my mind, historical importance. It deserves a nomination at the least, for chrissakes.

Don't get me started on his snub for directing. My guess is that the Academy will give the award finally to Scorsese, who should have received several by now (Goodfellas definitely and The Aviator). They give it to him this year, in their lame effort to right past wrongs. If Eastwood gets it, I'm nailing myself to a cross. That fucker already robbed Scorsese two years ago, receiving the gold statue for Million Dollar Baby over the Aviator. How can this guy get snubbed by Costner and Eastwood? Seriously, It would be like Michael Olowokandi being chosen over Shaq to play in the All-Star Game, or Rex Grossman starting a game for the Colts, while Manning sits on the bench. It's just wrong.

Paul Greengrass deserves his nomination here for the fantastic job he did with United 93. But seriously, snub Scorsese again, and the Academy might wake up in the trunk of a 68 Pontiac making its way to some state park in New Jersey. With that being said, you don't even nominate Cuaron for directing Children of Men? Jesus.

The good news is, Cuaron was the producer for Pan's Labyrinth, which is up for best foreign film, cinematography, and original screenplay. This guy is perhaps the greatest film talent right now. I'm also a big fan. He at least should have been nominated for directing. I'm just sayin'....

It's Oscar Week!

Once again, Oscar time has crept up on me. This is usually an eventful week, culminating in our annual Oscar party. Since the 1990s, a group of close friends have put on a party to watch the Oscars, with all guests required to dress as a nominee, either (preferably) in character or as the real person attending. We are going to the annual bash in Chicago for the weekend and will be reporting on events being held there throughout the weekend, culminating in the Sunday evening party held at the Voss/McCool theater.

As part of the festivities, I will be leading up to the big weekend by posting some random thoughts on the nominees (and those who got robbed, mugged, and stabbed in the back in broad daylight by the Academy). So be sure to check back regularly to read my hilarious, witty, insightful, soulful and thoroughly authoritative glimpse into the art of last year's films.

My Wife is a Genius

I found this out Sunday. Actually, I knew it before, but it was on full display on this particular day (and no—I'm not just posting this because she mentioned to me that I never write about her—although she'll never really know for sure. It's because this is significant news). As we sat down for our afternoon cocaine binge (because, you know, cocaine is cool), she said "I have a plan. When my classes are over in May, Isaac and I are going back to Indiana, so I can look for full-time work while you stay behind and work and get the house ready for sale." Brilliant. Her school isn't giving her any more significant courses for the rest of the year (significant as in income), because they'd have to give her full-time benefits. So why should she look for full-time work here if we want to move?

This gives me the opportunity to fully pimp out the house without the usual obstacles to my efficiency, like telling my son to put some pants on, chasing him down to get the fillet knife out from between his teeth (he likes playing pirate), pulling his head out of the oven, blocking the dumping of certain hot wheels down the toilet, etc. Also, my current employ will at least keep some checks rolling in, while she looks for that sweet full time printmaking gig that pays mucha moolah. Or waiting tables at the Claddagh, whichever is available. This also pleases her parents (and mine) so much that they will bend over backwards to help out, and I can tell you firsthand that sort of support is really nice to have. Doing this without help is no fun. So we have it all planned out.

Hopefully, something opens up. I am going to keep my eyes on openings for her, even though when I find one I think she's totally qualified for, she gives me "The Look," which is similar to "The Manning Face," and says "Since when am I a qualified MIG Welder?" Good point. Maybe I don't know what exactly she's qualified to do, but hey, if the job sounds cool...

Either way, when May & June roll around, I hope the house will be sold and I will be making the voyage down I-94 East through Wisconsin. Preferably with a sweet job offer.

Come on, big money—No Whammies! I know someone out there in Indy needs a sweet designer. Come on----call me! I know you're out there! Come on dog, you know you need me!