9/13/07

Tis the Season to be a Carnie







There is something quietly disturbing about having a carnie shack up with you when the state fair summer season comes to an end. We found out that our "My Name is Earl" nightmare version of a landlord has a buddy that's a carnie. Oh, and he also happens to live upstairs with said nutty landlord, "faces of meth" girlfriend, and Tony. He also brought his girlfriend to live here, a very classy, sophisticated socialite by the name of Crystal. That's right folks, we have 5 people (and 27 hours of Jeff Foxworthy comedy material) living above us now.

I have started a countdown by writing the number of remaining days we have left in this house that should be placed in Hazzard County. Living here has now become the equivalent of the Waltons, if only Ma and Pa drank themselves to death and the kids promptly dropped 60 IQ points and installed a meth lab in their bath tub.

The carnie's name is Perry, and my wife counted no less than 8 people coming in and out of the house during the day (another 4 at night).

These people play loud music and party until about 5 AM, then promptly disappear until the afternoon, when they crank back up. Tony told me that they are rock stars, which explains the noise and the ability to be wired 24-7. It also explains why I mysteriously started calling our home "the crack shack" about a week ago. I guess I have a nose for these things, or maybe it was the numerous, mysterious 10-minute "runs" they would take, pulling all of the shades and locking the doors when they got back with their wadded up, 10-year old McDonald's bags. Also, we watched the girlfriend frantically wash her truck IN THE RAIN. It was almost as good as watching her trying TO DRY IT IN THE RAIN. Let me type that again. SHE TRIED TO DRY HER TRUCK IN THE RAIN. Not a mist, or a drizzle. A full-on rain. Maybe that's what tipped me off. Call me a pessimist, but I don't think you can ever completely dry a truck while it's still raining.

My landlord has a 12-year old son from a relationship with an old girlfriend, and she is getting married to some other guy. He was supposed to go to court because she wants full custody. In order to make the hearing an easy choice for the judge (and to avoid paying child support), he gets wasted before he goes to court, and promptly gets put in a holding cell until the evening because he's all f*cked up. My guess is that she has full custody now.

Perry and his girlfriend Crystal got in a huge fight and she stole my landlord's motorcycle this morning and rode to a bus station, where she ditched the bike and hopped the first bus going to Phoenix.

There is also now a dog living upstairs. That was just today. Can't wait for tomorrow.