Beer Can Art

I just came across this online magazine story about people who keep their empties and make sculptures out of them. Isaac and I are partial to the yellow submarine.

Decal-athon

Creativepro has an article covering the history of decals and cool ways to create them now, thanks to inkjets. I may start pimping out my Oldsmobile with these beauties.

The Energy Tipping Point

Interesting CNN story about whether or not we have reached the energy tipping point. There is a related special report on Fueling America that deserves a look.

Escape from 70th

We did it. We have been looking for a few days and happened across this gem of a home located about 15 blocks from where we live now. Here are the details:

HUGE 1500 sq. ft. upper Duplex with 2 spacious Bedrooms + Library. Beautiful Living Room with leaded glass window and a Natural Fireplace. Formal Dining Room has built in buffet. Kitchen has newer gas range and refrigerator. Central air. If this weren't enough--there is an extra room that could be office, computer room, hobby room, den or ???? Sunroom in back overlooks Jacobus Park. Also has a 10x12' attic bedroom with full window and an additional 700 sq. ft. for a studio space. Close to public transportation, shopping, Medical College, downtown.

Also, the woman that lives in the other half of the duplex is the landlord, and her name is Bea. She already loves my kid, she has offered to watch him, and she's my mother's age. She will probably end up being the 3rd mother. A sweet lady. Aunt Bea.

Finally, we will have a spacious, quiet place to live and save enough money to put on a house in a year or two. Plus, I don't think she is a meth user, and I don't think she's been tazed by the cops lately.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

My landlord just got tazed

Sorry I haven't posted for a few days. I found out that my landlord, who lives upstairs, and his girlfriend were crack smokers. The girlfriend also has mental problems and has been in and out of treatment centers. She can't afford her meds, so she breaks down all the time and cuts herself. Apparently last Friday my landlord called the police on her because she cut herself (I was out of town), and then THIS Friday he called the cops on her again!! Same thing. So I am watching my 3-year old son and his friend ride their tricycles in the driveway when the police and rescue units roll up. My wife grabs the kids and heads over to the neighbors and I sip my beer while I watch my wasted landlord get lippy with the cop through his upstairs window which is open. Then my landlord SHOVES him. The cop hits him with the tazer and hollers at him to get down on the floor. My landlord says "That feels good!" So the cop cranks up the voltage and really lets him have it. Some wrestling ensues and backup arrives. They carry him off in the squad and they carry out the tweaker girlfriend. She will probably be in 48-hour observation, while the landlord has a court appearance.

In all seriousness, the neighborhood we live in is great. It's like Pleasantville. Except for this guy. How could we have known? I guess he looked a little White T to me but I didn't know that he had a bad history. I guess you should do a background check on the landlord if you plan on renting a property. I started looking at properties today. Lesson learned. I'm visiting the cop shop when I have an address in mind. We're not ready to buy yet, and we want to save some cash for a year. But if this happens in the best neighborhoods, how often is this same thing going on all over?

Banana Bread

My pet peeve: a loaf of bread that has been sitting next to a bunch of bananas. Actually, pretty much anything placed next to a bunch of bananas. Why does everything taste like banana when they are in close proximity? The bread is the worst, though. I hate that.

Later This Week

I think later this week I will recount my glorious three months of summer vacay. It might have been the best ever.

I'll Take It!

I just got a job offer from an ad agency. I will no longer be unemployed. Awesome.

Plug Me In

California. Good lookin' out.

Toyota and the University of California will be testing plug-in hybrids there as part of a development program to make them a reality. Plug-in hybrids are more powerful versions of the hybrid car and can achieve more than 100 m.p.g. The plug-in models will be more costly (of course) but will save a significant amount of fuel, and with $4.00 - $5.00 gallons of gas looming on the horizon like the headless horseman in that crazy Walt Disney cartoon, we can all appreciate a little more m.p.g. for our money.

Of course, you could just ride a motorcycle (even a Harley gets around 50), a bicycle, or find work that's close to home. I know, easier said than done. I will admit that riding my bike to work every day in St. Paul pretty much ruled. I lost weight, gained muscle, and I loved getting outside. Plus, I didn't pay for parking, my insurance was lower, and I didn't have to buy gas for weeks on end. I think I made it 6 weeks on one tank. Never underestimate the mountain bike, brothers and sisters. Oh, bad weather sucked though. The rain started to not bother me after a while, but once you get over 6 inches of snow, you can just forget about riding.

Milk in Glass Bottles

I started buying milk in glass containers lately. It seems to taste better. Because of the soaring price of petroleum, milk prices have been going up as well. So when I saw that a local dairy was offering milk in bottles at a competitive price, I decided to buy some. It tastes awesome. It's a higher quality product that has been minimally handled, and is fresher because it takes less time to get it to the market and has less of a chance to be mishandled. Lamers Dairy in Appleton, Wisconsin (Dairyland's Best) produces the bottled milk, and I must say that I like it. I predict some of the dairy products produced locally will grow in popularity as the price of fuel rises, because there is inherently less cost to get the products to your local store.

Why I Watch T.V.

If it weren't for these following shows (and PBS, which I don't consider to be t.v.), I would probably boycott television.

My 10 Favorites:

TLC Turbo - comprised of American Chopper, American Hot Rod, and Hard Shine. I love hot rods and custom rides, especially when they are innovative and theme-based. The best series by far is American Chopper. I saw my first episode in the hospital when my son was born back in '03. I am still a fan in '07. I love their crazy accents and non-stop shop antics. They almost seem like they are from northern Michigan. These guys are the kind of guys I used to hang out with in my 20s.
Hard Shine is o.k. I think there isn't enough material there to form a series, but I like to see the fabrication of the cars. It is certainly no Chopper though, but then again, how many places have a Mikey?

The Wire - I am a latecomer to this innovative and addicting series, so I am only through season 2 on my Netflix list. I look forward to every episode. I love how the details of a case are built, the technology used, and the character development is first-rate (see my previous post about Omar, who I think is one of the biggest reasons I enjoy t.v.).

Deadwood - Who says Shakespeare is dead? I think he has been resurrected, complete with a 6-gun and a 5th of whiskey. Al Swearengen is another reason I love watching t.v. He rules. I want a guy like him in my workplace, just to hear him work people over in his office. Seriously, some sh*t would be getting done at work if this guy were around.

The Sopranos - I resisted this series for about 5 years, because I was sick of gangster flicks and wannabe-Goodfellas t.v. shows. I think I am at the point where I am going to rent complete seasons 1-5. I have seen a few episodes, and I do have to say that it is engrossing. Another HBO triumph.

Six Feet Under - I know, it's been over for over a year, but since HBO is dominating this list, it needs a mention. The idea was so original and the series so profane, funny, horrifying, uplifting, hysterical and philosophical, it cannot be ignored. The episode when the mom accidentally takes ecstasy is a classic, as well as when Nate discovers his dad's "hidden room" above some storefront.

Curb Your Enthusiasm - Larry David is a bald P.O.S. -- and I love him. Although my favorite character is his fat f#ck friend/agent Jeff. Hysterical. I also look forward to seeing Wanda on there. She and Larry have some seriously funny scenes.

Carnivale - O.K. - one more HBO series just because this network has singlehandedly done more to destroy the Hollywood movie industry than anyone else (except for the theater companies who want you to shell out 8 bucks for some t.v. retread film featuring either Owen Wilson or Ben Affleck. Or some lame flick featuring a billion dollar CG budget with no fu#k*ng script [that's you, Transformers!!!]. With something like the Sopranos on television, how can you even seriously think of putting out such rubbish and charging people an arm and a leg to see it?)

Anyway, Carnivale gets a mention here because it was crazy, innovative, freaky and funny. I wish they gave it more time to develop. Seriously, how many t.v. series can say they feature a carnie gimp, a sociopathic minister possessed by the devil, a bearded lady, Maggie from Field of Dreams, a midget and a momma-daughter titty act? Totally watchable. It's a shame it's not still on.

Mythbusters - Science rules. I think I like it so much because Jamie has a moustache and a personality a lot like my buddy Adam, although Adam's moustache is bigger, if that's possible. I will watch any show that involves blowing stuff up.

The other 7 Honorable Mentions:

Lost
The Office
Man Vs. Wild
The Daily Show
Family Guy
Peep and the Big Big World
Late Night with Conan

Why I Love Omar Little

I am a fan of The Wire. I'm a bigger fan of Omar Little. He lives by a strict code. He only robs drug dealers. He takes his grandmother to church. He wears a trenchcoat and carries a shotgun around the projects. He announces his presence by whistling "The Farmer in the Dell."

In one episode when he was providing jury testimony, Barksdale attorney Maurice Levy called him a parasite who thrived on the drug trade, to which Omar quickly pointed out that Levy was essentially the same thing. "I got a gun --- you got a briefcase. It's all in the game though, right?"

More poignantly, he might be the only character in this HBO series that makes it a point to not use profanity. He's one of the toughest characters around, yet he's gay, which most people stereotype as being wimpy or overly feminine. His character is a walking paradox, which is fascinating to me, and shows the smartness and depth of writing in this show. His honesty, lack of materialism & commercialism, and strict adherence to his ethics makes him fascinating and unique.

And did I mention he walks around with a shotgun whistling "The Farmer in the Dell?" Classic. You gotta love him.

Chicken Sh*t

Leave it to Minnesota. My old state is mad smart. Eggheads you might say. Progressive, for sure. So I wasn't surprised to hear that they are going to operate a power plant fired by poultry litter. As you know, chicken crap IS a renewable resource. You can listen to the NPR story here.

Karl's Gone

So long Karl. I am going to miss you. Really. No, really.

Catchiest Tune Ever

Your vote for catchiest tune ever? I don't know, but I just might cast my vote for Penny Lane. It's not my favorite, mind you, but every time I hear it...

Hey, by the way, why do the Beatles always sound better when turned up to 11?

Another Reason I Love Google

There are a lot of reasons to like Google: Gmail, Calendar, their documents and spreadsheets - which basically must make Microsoft furious (What, you're giving me a spreadsheet and word document program for free? AND I can share it with everyone online, and they can add comments and info?? Why do I need Microsoft again? Genius!)

But here's another reason: They are donating about $11 million to fund plug-in hybrid research and technology. Develop a 100+ mile per gallon car and make it reliable? Sweeeet. The amount of traveling I do to Chicago and Indiana make a plug-in hybrid one of the top things I must get in the next year or two.

Read more about the project here.

Inventions I Would Buy, Part II

An at-home coffee roaster. Buy your beans in bulk, roast them at home.

New Inventions I'd Like To Buy

1. Some sort of reusable "tap" - with a short tube - that you could pierce the side of a gallon of milk with, enabling my son to open the fridge and fill his cup without having to pick up the gallon and spill 6-8 ounces of it on the counter and floor.
2. A short, highly directional EMP gun that you could point to an offending electronic device (your landlord's stereo upstairs, annoying cell phone used by guy in restaurant, etc.) and discharge a short burst of energy, either temporary disabling the unit or frying the circuitry altogether, depending on the dial setting you have on the unit. The unit would also have a highly-defined energy path, which you could customize to provide a "technology-free zone " in your house, backyard, etc.

Taxing Pollution

This morning's Chicago Tribune reported that London mayor Ken Livingstone has levied a $50 a day charge on large suv vehicles that travel the streets of central London. People are up in arms. I think I like the idea, especially when I imagine all of those fools who drive Land Rovers scowling as they write those big checks out to the mayor. Sweet. Only because I think that Land Rovers are the biggest POS vehicle since the Yugo. Talk about resting on some 50-year old reputation as being THE vehicle to handle safaris. They probably haven't been relevant since the 60's. But people still buy them because they're shiek. Then realize they spend about 60 days a year in the repair shop. On second thought, maybe the tax checks they write out won't be so big, since they can't really drive them that often.

It will be interesting to see how this flies. I see problems with this "fee." You are going to tax SUVs and Minivans, but what if they are carrying 5 to 7 passengers? That seems to be a fairly responsible act. What, big transit buses don't pollute? What about taxis? What about the coal-fired electric plants that make other forms of mass-transit possible? How about ships? And Airplanes? Hello!! Air travel is mad dirty. I see concerns here that go beyond just taxing the privileged. I think everybody, to some extent, has to shoulder some of the responsibility, because daily, report after report is rolling in from scientists all over the world that this "climate change" (nice euphemism, by the way. Thanks, Dick Cheney) is getting crazy.

This place is about to blow up. So we better come up with some real solutions and get going on this.

Chean That Ship Up!

A group of northern European companies will invest and install fuel cells on board a supply ship in 2008, and pledge to convert entire fleets of ships to the cleaner technology. Iceland plans to turn their entire fleet over to fuel cells in the future. Although the initial costs are high, it will be worth it in the long run, due to more strict regulations and higher costs of conventional petroleum and the upcoming pollution taxes. See what happens when we start thinking together?
Via Good News Daily and Reuters

Ace and True Value follow-up

For the record, I don't hate on ALL Ace hardware stores. Just the one in my neighborhood, and not all the time. There is an Ace store in St. Paul that is really great, and there is another in Mishawaka, IN that I love, too. I don't really endorse one over the other. I just don't like the way-too-helpful staff. Leave me alone.

True Value 1, Ace 0

So, I have noticed that there is a trend toward the small, hometown hardware store. I love it, except that some places take this "friendly, helpful" moniker a little too far. There is an Ace hardware about 4 blocks from my house. It is located in this little village and has nice, bright awnings, radio flyer wagons and weber grills in the front windows, along with some American flags, beer coolers, and other charms of americana.

The problem is that as soon as I walk in the door, I know I will be intercepted by the "friendly, helpful" store clerk, who will ask me, "Find what you're looking for?" Well, hell no, because I just walked in the door!!! How the hell am I going to find what I'm looking for in 4 seconds? Seriously, even if I had the store layout committed to memory, I couldn't find what I'm looking for in under 10 seconds. But that's not all. This particular Ace seems to employ the "I know better than you" specialists, who somehow think that they have downloaded all of your mental contents and know everything about your project. One day I went in for a garden hose repair kit.

Here's a recent exchange:
"Hi"
"Hey there"
"Are you SURE you have a 1/2 inch garden hose, instead of a 5/8?"
"Yep"
"Because most garden hoses are 5/8, you know."
"Yep, I think this is the one."
"o.k."

What is that? What kind of approach is this?
"Are you SURE you have a 1/2 inch garden hose, instead of a 5/8?"

Couldn't he have just said something like, "Have everything you need?", or "Yeah, we get a lot of customers who get this 1/2" hose repair kit and then find out they need the more common 5/8." Or something other than the "I know better than you" attitude these guys have.

OOhh, I see Mr. Ace man - YOU know what type of garden hose I have at home, because you're all-knowing, right? You know more than I do about all of the fixtures I have in my home now, because you work at Ace hardware and you have been there for a few years, right? This allows you to know more than your customers about their stuff. O.K. then.

The problem is, of course, that I actually have a 1/2 inch garden hose, not a 5/8". But when I get home, I waste about 2 minutes of my time 2nd-guessing myself, wondering if I do, after all, have the 5/8" hose, and whether I should have grabbed that 5/8 repair kit, just to be safe. well, I got their Ace-brand hose repair kit. The 1/2" was the right size, but it leaked. Great.

After I have a few of the same encounters with these "helpful, friendly" know-it-alls, their schtick gets pretty old. Since they are intent on giving not-really-that-helpful, non-constructive, "I know more than you" attitude, I have dubbed them the Ace-holes.

But the hardware store is beautiful, it's small-town, it has old wood floors, it looks unchanged since the 50s, and it has all this charm. I feel like I should be going there to support the local hardware joint. I feel like a traitor if I go to a big-box retailer. I'm torn.

But there's another solution: I have a True Value store that's less than 4 blocks away, but not part of the village. It doesn't have nice awnings. It is a sheet-metal building, with no display windows, except for the one window on the side that has a hose reel and a bag of bird seed leaned up against it. It has dents, dings, and old glass auto-open doors from the early eighties, with film stuck on them from about a thousand old stickers. It is not charming, it does not evoke fond memories of the Americana of yore. It does not look like like your friendly, local hardware store. But I think I might like that.

But the best part is that when I go in there, I am not bothered by anyone. Nobody helps me. Unless I ask, and then I have to wait awhile, because some guy is in the back, taking his coffee break, or lunch break, or he's f-ing off, which is good. They don't even acknowledge that you're there. That's the America I know. And that's exactly what I want: a hardware store from the 70s. It is exactly like the hardware store I grew up with. A sheet-metal clad, unattractive, non-charming, dirty, fluorescent-lit, concrete-floored structure where there wasn't a clerk in sight and you got what you want, paid, and left.

Because, you see, I want my hardware store to be an extension of my garage or shop: I go in there and I know what I want, and I want to be left the hell alone to get it, or if I don't know what I want, to be given time to figure out what I want, before I throw up my arms and ask for help. I don't want an expert anywhere near me. I want to be left alone to discover my solution.

So I go there, get my true-value 1/2" inch hose repair kit (no questions asked), go home and install it. It works flawlessly.

True Value: 1
Ace-holes: 0

I have a theory...

So I have a theory, and I have been refraining forever to say or write anything about it because it's controversial, and I don't look forward to my house being firebombed, but I can't take it anymore. Here it is: every time I see a car with an anti-abortion sticker, especially a car with several anti-abortion stickers (which usually is the case -- what, I didn't get your viewpoint the first time?) you can bet that the person driving it is an old white guy. So far, my theory proves to be correct about 90% of the time.

I won't say anything else about the matter except this: Whether abortion is sometimes necessary or totally wrong, can we just please let this issue be decided by women? Can we keep all old white guys - and all men really - as far away from the decision-making process as possible? Really, guys don't know jack sh*t about creating another life form. Women know this best. They have been through it.

If you want some decisions made about fire, war, disasters, hot-rods, sausage-making, or blowing sh*t up, then consult guys. They are good at that sort of thing.